Living for Forever in the Midst of Every Now

I feel like this weekend God has used a whole hodge podge of random things to teach me some gigantic lessons. I love it when God gets a hold of me like that. I love knowing that I'm worth so much and loved so much by Him that He is willing to take the time to teach me lessons. Even when they are super, super hard. There are several things in my life right now that God is working on. Some are very not fun. It's never fun when God points a finger at you and picks out your sin and presents it to you. I hate it. But I love it. Because I serve a God who loves me, and knows that I am called to so much more than the entanglement of myself and my sin.

Other lessons are completely and utterly amazing and life changing. In preparation for my Romania trip this summer, we had a meeting on Friday night and Brandon, the pastor, talked about us being a literal answer to prayers. That our team is a literal answer to prayers of the full time missionaries over there and of the Roma people whom we are going to serve. And that in turn, the Roma people are an answer to my prayer of asking for a way to serve over seas. It's amazing to think about how carefully God has orchestrated this trip, and more importantly, my life.

Even bigger than all of that is the fact that my God has entrusted me, a nobody, a complete zero compared to Him, with the job of taking the gospel to the nations and the people around me. That He has picked me to love the unlovable in Romania for maybe the first time in their lives. What an absolute priviledge! I am humbled by this idea, and trying hard to grasp the idea of all of that. Not even in Romania, but that everyday, He has entrusted me with being an example for Him and an ambassador of His grace and mercy. Who am I? Not worthy, that's for sure, but completely and utterly awe struck and in love with my Savior.

I am challenged in thinking about how I can live out this priviledge in my day to day life more often. I want to be a part of bringing Heaven to Earth. I want to be the glimpse of Jesus that people get to see, if even for just a second, or the smallest of things. I want to live for forever in the midst of every now.

Blind Faith

With my graduation from Illinois State rapidly approaching, it has come to my attention that it is time to start preparing myself for life after college. What a crazy thought! All I have ever known in life was going to school, having a part time job, and hanging with friends. Soon enough, however, I will enter the "adult" world at a rapid pace and be expected to swim and not sink. If you know me at all, you know that I'm a worrier. I will spend countless hours in bed at night worrying about nothing, and then worrying about worrying too much. It's not healthy, and has been something that God has been dealing with me about in the last few months. Seeing has how I'm a bonafied worrier, you would think this whole job hunt, planning my life thing would stress me out a little bit, but surprisingly I have a calmness within me that I can't really explain. (Don't get me wrong, if you talk to my roomates they will tell you it hasn't always been like this....I do seem to remember several occasions of complete and utter brokeness and tears last semester)

For some reason, every time I begin to worry about my life, I am reminded that I serve a completely sovereign God who has my best interests in mind. Is that crazy? Yes! Is it hard to believe and fathom at times? Of course! Is it true? ABSOLUTELY! People keep asking me what I'm doing after college and I honestly have no answers for that at all. I can't answer because I simply don't know. Here's what I do know.....I have a fabulous degree from a nationally respected program and university, my passion in life is students, and I love a great big ginormous God who is going to use those things to create a fabulous life for me. So am I stressed? At times..... Am I worried? At times.... But in the end I won't be anywhere but smack dab in the middle of where He wants me to be, and that my friends excites and exhilerates me. Sometimes the Lord calls us to take faith steps....and I am ready to step out onto the raging sea and into the arms of my sovereign Savior.