Garth Brooks and God's Timing

Since coming home this past weekend, I have had tons of oppurtunities to reunite with my friends from home and catch up on all of the happenings of the summer. Last night was no exception. My best friend Emily and I ended up hanging out and talking until 3 am about anything and everything, including reminiscing about our high school days and the fun we had with our group of friends, where we think everyone will end up, etc.

At one point in our conversation, we started talking about situations in our life that we for sure thought we had figured out and prayed about for so long, only to find out that God had completely different plans for us. We began talking about one point in our life where we both were going through similar situations and how much we prayed about it and were convinced God was so with us in the plans we were making for ourselves, only to be totally disappointed when He basically slammed the door right in our face. I then made a comment about how at one point I had prayed about a situation I was convinced was right for me for almost 2 years until God showed me why it could never work. As we both kinda talked over that for awhile, I became so thankful that God lead me out of that situation. SO THANKFUL! I then told Emily that it's just like that song by Garth Brooks. Now, don't go getting all "she's so back woods" on me yet. Just hear me out.... I don't know how many of you have ever heard that song, "Unaswered Prayers," but if you haven't, look it up, download it (legally of course), buy the CD, something. It's basically about this guy who ends up at a hometown football game with his wife and sees his old high school girlfriend there and as the song progresses, he talks about how thankful he is that he is with his wife instead of his high school girlfriend. The part of the song that is so great is the chorus. It goes, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs...just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unaswered prayers." I've been thinking about this the past 24 hours and it just came up again in another conversation with a friend about how happy we are looking back on situations that God lead us out of when we thought they were so the right thing for us.

I think God is really trying to break me of this really bad habit I have of trying to plan out my life and conniving and maneuvering myself into a position to succeed according to my standards and not His. It's been a hard lesson to learn. There has been a lot of pain and initial hurt that has come along with it, but there is always, always a lesson to be learned out of it as well. I'm learning to embrace the beauty and the mystery that it is to let God take the wheel. As my mom would say, "When you let God drive, you better buckle up." That's so true. Why do I think I need to "help" him plan my life? Why do I think I need to tell him where I'll work? Why do I think I need to tell him who "the one" for me is? Why do I think I need to tell him how and where I'm going to get the money to pay off my college debt!? He has it under control, and when I let go and let God, I am NEVER let down. I'm always pleasanlty surprised and it's such a beautiful thing. God has his divine hand in EVERY aspect of ALL of our lives. It's time to live amongst the unaswered prayers in our lives and embrace what it means for us to live fully in His plan.

I Will Never Be the Same

In just a little over 48 hours I will be packing my stuff up and heading back home after arguably one of the BEST summers I have ever had. As I'm winding down with my internship, saying goodbye to friends, creating my portfolio for my class, etc. There have been a lot of questions asked of me: Are you sad to go? Are you ready for school to start? What was your favorite part of this summer? What did you learn that will be valuable for you after graduation? What do you think you will do after graduation? While all of these questions are good, and I appreciate the enquiry of friends and family, I think it's fair to say that what I have come away with after this summer cannot and will not ever be able to be summed up in just these typical random questions.

The things that I've taken away from this summer have changed me as a person. They have challenged the way I think, the way I live, the way I see myself, the way I treat people, and have taught me about the woman I'm becoming and want to ultimately be.

I know in my previous post I talked about how ready I was to come here and be changed and I expected that to happen. I knew and expected God to move in my life and change me while I was here, but to be honest was not looking forward to leaving this amazing experience and facing what I had left at school the previous semester. At our final staff celebration at Merge last week I shared some of this and shared that each person in that room had shown me a little bit more about who I am and what I want to become, and I totally mean that. I have realized through people I work with, people I've become friends with, and ultimately through God, what my purpose in His kingdom is and how he is shaping me into a woman He is going to use to further it.

I was asked in an email this past week from a friend where I thought I would be at this time next year. For the first time in my life I honestly couldn't answer the question. For the first time ever I am completely open to whatever the Lord may have for me and to be quite honest that's a scary feeling and realization. All I know is that I want so badly to be in His will and to be completely and utterly transformed by His power in my life. I want to be a woman who lives with wreckless faith and abandonment to His will, whether that means surrendering my future plans, my dream job, who I'll marry, etc. I want it all in His hands.

So, am I sad to see this end? Yes. Am I sad to leave the people I've met? OF COURSE! Am I ready for the upcoming school year? Absolutely. Where do you think you'll be after graduation? I have no idea, and I'm ready for God to show me. What have you taken away from your internship this summer? Things that have changed my life. I will never be the same.