Belief Makes Things Real

Before I had this blog, I used to blog things on my Xanga. Nothing usually of too much importance. Just mostly the details of my days through my early years of college, with an occasional "deep" thought or two thrown in every once in awhile. I haven't checked my Xanga since like October (there was a time when I would check multiple times a day to see who commented on my posts) but tonight I went back and read through some of my old entries just for fun. In doing so, I came acrossed an entry from last summer, where I had written about how astounded I was in the amount of money raised in such a short time for the new student ministry building at NCBC. At that point in time, a student ministry building at NCBC was just a thought. A mere blue print and congregational business meeting farther than the dream that it sprang from.

Tonight was the first night of our vacation Bible school, and as I sat in the very building that I talked about just a year ago with high hopes, I was completely amazed. Granted, it was so hot, the building is nothing more than boards with a roof over them and some windows, it was dusty, and very far from being complete, but still....it was a dream. A dream that started with people who believe in students and the ministry they are a part of. It's so crazy for me to think about how much has happened in the year since the congragational vote approved to build the building. At the end of last summer, I was leaving behind the junior high ministry, going to college, and taking a break from student ministry for awhile because the commute back from school was seemingly "impossible." However, God proved otherwise and has blown me away with giving me a position with the high school students this past year.

You see, my passion is students. I believe in them so much. Not just in who they will become, but who they are at this very moment in their lives. For me it's not about them being the future of the church. They ARE the church, and in my opinion the very essence of the body of Christ. It does my heart so much good to see them engaging with who God is, what it means to be a part of His kingdom, and what plans He has for them not only in their own lives but in the ways their lives will touch others around them. I just love thinking about the fact that I was a student just like them not all that long ago. Thank God people believed in me and the things I could do in God's kingdom, otherwise I don't know where I would be right now! Thank God the people at New Castle believe in students as well. I look forward to the years to come and the students who walk out of that building, and the ways the world will be different because they were believed in.

Garth Brooks and God's Timing

Since coming home this past weekend, I have had tons of oppurtunities to reunite with my friends from home and catch up on all of the happenings of the summer. Last night was no exception. My best friend Emily and I ended up hanging out and talking until 3 am about anything and everything, including reminiscing about our high school days and the fun we had with our group of friends, where we think everyone will end up, etc.

At one point in our conversation, we started talking about situations in our life that we for sure thought we had figured out and prayed about for so long, only to find out that God had completely different plans for us. We began talking about one point in our life where we both were going through similar situations and how much we prayed about it and were convinced God was so with us in the plans we were making for ourselves, only to be totally disappointed when He basically slammed the door right in our face. I then made a comment about how at one point I had prayed about a situation I was convinced was right for me for almost 2 years until God showed me why it could never work. As we both kinda talked over that for awhile, I became so thankful that God lead me out of that situation. SO THANKFUL! I then told Emily that it's just like that song by Garth Brooks. Now, don't go getting all "she's so back woods" on me yet. Just hear me out.... I don't know how many of you have ever heard that song, "Unaswered Prayers," but if you haven't, look it up, download it (legally of course), buy the CD, something. It's basically about this guy who ends up at a hometown football game with his wife and sees his old high school girlfriend there and as the song progresses, he talks about how thankful he is that he is with his wife instead of his high school girlfriend. The part of the song that is so great is the chorus. It goes, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs...just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unaswered prayers." I've been thinking about this the past 24 hours and it just came up again in another conversation with a friend about how happy we are looking back on situations that God lead us out of when we thought they were so the right thing for us.

I think God is really trying to break me of this really bad habit I have of trying to plan out my life and conniving and maneuvering myself into a position to succeed according to my standards and not His. It's been a hard lesson to learn. There has been a lot of pain and initial hurt that has come along with it, but there is always, always a lesson to be learned out of it as well. I'm learning to embrace the beauty and the mystery that it is to let God take the wheel. As my mom would say, "When you let God drive, you better buckle up." That's so true. Why do I think I need to "help" him plan my life? Why do I think I need to tell him where I'll work? Why do I think I need to tell him who "the one" for me is? Why do I think I need to tell him how and where I'm going to get the money to pay off my college debt!? He has it under control, and when I let go and let God, I am NEVER let down. I'm always pleasanlty surprised and it's such a beautiful thing. God has his divine hand in EVERY aspect of ALL of our lives. It's time to live amongst the unaswered prayers in our lives and embrace what it means for us to live fully in His plan.

I Will Never Be the Same

In just a little over 48 hours I will be packing my stuff up and heading back home after arguably one of the BEST summers I have ever had. As I'm winding down with my internship, saying goodbye to friends, creating my portfolio for my class, etc. There have been a lot of questions asked of me: Are you sad to go? Are you ready for school to start? What was your favorite part of this summer? What did you learn that will be valuable for you after graduation? What do you think you will do after graduation? While all of these questions are good, and I appreciate the enquiry of friends and family, I think it's fair to say that what I have come away with after this summer cannot and will not ever be able to be summed up in just these typical random questions.

The things that I've taken away from this summer have changed me as a person. They have challenged the way I think, the way I live, the way I see myself, the way I treat people, and have taught me about the woman I'm becoming and want to ultimately be.

I know in my previous post I talked about how ready I was to come here and be changed and I expected that to happen. I knew and expected God to move in my life and change me while I was here, but to be honest was not looking forward to leaving this amazing experience and facing what I had left at school the previous semester. At our final staff celebration at Merge last week I shared some of this and shared that each person in that room had shown me a little bit more about who I am and what I want to become, and I totally mean that. I have realized through people I work with, people I've become friends with, and ultimately through God, what my purpose in His kingdom is and how he is shaping me into a woman He is going to use to further it.

I was asked in an email this past week from a friend where I thought I would be at this time next year. For the first time in my life I honestly couldn't answer the question. For the first time ever I am completely open to whatever the Lord may have for me and to be quite honest that's a scary feeling and realization. All I know is that I want so badly to be in His will and to be completely and utterly transformed by His power in my life. I want to be a woman who lives with wreckless faith and abandonment to His will, whether that means surrendering my future plans, my dream job, who I'll marry, etc. I want it all in His hands.

So, am I sad to see this end? Yes. Am I sad to leave the people I've met? OF COURSE! Am I ready for the upcoming school year? Absolutely. Where do you think you'll be after graduation? I have no idea, and I'm ready for God to show me. What have you taken away from your internship this summer? Things that have changed my life. I will never be the same.

Solitude and Realization

I feel like the solitude and challenge of this summer has been exactly what my soul has needed for quite some time. The last half of last semester was arguably one of the absolute worst times of my entire life for many different reasons. I was so ready to get to the suburbs, start my internship, and deal with God in some areas of my life and get things figured out for myself. I needed time to heal, to be away from everyone and everything and just....be.
Over the course of the last 6 or so weeks, I have learned what it means to rest in, trust in, and set my sites on things that actually matter. I have been filled to the brim with joy that can only come from my Heavenly Father after a time when I didn't know if I would ever feel that same joy again. I have learned what it means to be reliant on Him and Him alone in EVERY situation, not just the ones where I am found desperate. I have experienced a peace and a calmness in my heart over issues and challenges that I thought I could and would never come to terms with. I have experienced just a taste of an amazing intimacy with a Savior who has stood by me through all of this with open arms.
But through all of this I have come to realize that I have been the most selfish person. I have made everything "my issues" "my feelings" "my heart" "my drama" "my emotions" "my life," when none of this matters in the end anyways. After Awake this past weekend, our Junior High event, I have learned that the Christian life and just life in general is about so much more than me. In fact it's not about me at all. It's about living a life that is worthy of the title, "Christian" or "Little Christ." It's about loving those around me with a love similar to that of the Father. It's about dying children and families in Africa who have been struck by the AIDS epidemic. It's about millions all over the world who still, to this day are bound by the chains of slavery. It's about the largest genocide in human history taking place in Darfur. It's about lost friends and family that I see everyday and don't say a word about Christ to. It's about 200 junior high students dancing and praising God for the wonderful works He has done in their lives. It's about the youth of today rising up and bringing justice, peace, and love to a lost and dying world. It's about becoming a woman who lives life with wreckless abandonment and child like faith. It's about being worthy of the title "Child of God." It's about being content with who He has made me to be, and using that to accomplish great things and further His kingdom.
It never should have been about me, and I hope it never is again....

This Is New for Me.....

So, I've been a pretty avid blogger in the past. However, my blogging usually consisted of Xanga posting nightly about the happenings of my days all through my early years of college. I've decided that these days there are far too many thoughts running through my head then to just let them rot in my brain. I might as well share them in a more "sophisticated arena" such as this blogspot! I look forward to sharing my thoughts and dreams with you along the way!