I Will Never Be the Same

In just a little over 48 hours I will be packing my stuff up and heading back home after arguably one of the BEST summers I have ever had. As I'm winding down with my internship, saying goodbye to friends, creating my portfolio for my class, etc. There have been a lot of questions asked of me: Are you sad to go? Are you ready for school to start? What was your favorite part of this summer? What did you learn that will be valuable for you after graduation? What do you think you will do after graduation? While all of these questions are good, and I appreciate the enquiry of friends and family, I think it's fair to say that what I have come away with after this summer cannot and will not ever be able to be summed up in just these typical random questions.

The things that I've taken away from this summer have changed me as a person. They have challenged the way I think, the way I live, the way I see myself, the way I treat people, and have taught me about the woman I'm becoming and want to ultimately be.

I know in my previous post I talked about how ready I was to come here and be changed and I expected that to happen. I knew and expected God to move in my life and change me while I was here, but to be honest was not looking forward to leaving this amazing experience and facing what I had left at school the previous semester. At our final staff celebration at Merge last week I shared some of this and shared that each person in that room had shown me a little bit more about who I am and what I want to become, and I totally mean that. I have realized through people I work with, people I've become friends with, and ultimately through God, what my purpose in His kingdom is and how he is shaping me into a woman He is going to use to further it.

I was asked in an email this past week from a friend where I thought I would be at this time next year. For the first time in my life I honestly couldn't answer the question. For the first time ever I am completely open to whatever the Lord may have for me and to be quite honest that's a scary feeling and realization. All I know is that I want so badly to be in His will and to be completely and utterly transformed by His power in my life. I want to be a woman who lives with wreckless faith and abandonment to His will, whether that means surrendering my future plans, my dream job, who I'll marry, etc. I want it all in His hands.

So, am I sad to see this end? Yes. Am I sad to leave the people I've met? OF COURSE! Am I ready for the upcoming school year? Absolutely. Where do you think you'll be after graduation? I have no idea, and I'm ready for God to show me. What have you taken away from your internship this summer? Things that have changed my life. I will never be the same.