Apathetic

I think at times I'm apathetic.  There, I said it.  This question was posed to me this past Sunday morning by Phil in our One Way leadership meeting.  He asked us if we find ourselves being apathetic in our relationship with God.  I sat there for a moment trying to think it through...trying to think about how I could answer the question truthfully without giving myself away completely, trying to think if my life really is apathetic at times.  I said some things in the meeting as to why I feel like I am at times apathetic, but God has not let me forget that question all week.  I gave the standard answer that I'm apathetic at times because I'm just "too busy."  Let's be honest, that's a cop out.  I mean it's true at times, but I'm not near as busy as I make myself seem sometimes.

I also said in the meeting that I tend to get apathetic in my faith when God doesn't answer my prayers in a timely manner or a manner that I see fit.  That's true.  I guess I sort of feel like if He isn't dishing out blessings, then why does He deserve my time.  Wow...I suck at life sometimes.  But that's honestly how I feel at points in my life.

Lately I have noticed that at times I feel oppressed or seem to be in grouchy moods when I get around Christians who are truly experiencing God in huge ways.  Not that I don't experience God in cool ways, because I do.  I just always play the mind game of "Wow, God has blessed her with so much...why isn't that me?" or "Why does God not understand the urgency of my prayers for lost friends and family members...what is it going to take for Him to listen and change them!?" or "Why can't I experience God like they are?" 

I think my faith becomes apathetic when I am apathetic in seeking God.  Because in all reality, if I truly sought God on issues in my life, and gave Him consistent devotion in my life everyday rather than the time that's left over after my day, I wouldn't feel like He doesn't get me.  The issue is not that He doesn't get me, it's that I don't get Him.  I don't get that He has a perfect plan for me.  I don't get that His ways are perfect.  I don't get that He looks to POUR blessings on me.  I don't get that He adores me.  I don't get that He loves me more than anyone ever.  I don't get that He understands me in my weakest moments of life.  I don't get that He erased my mistakes past, present, and future.  I know all these things....yet it may take me the rest of my life to truly "get them." 

So having said all of that, I just really don't get why I'm apathetic, but I know that it's unacceptable and an epidemic in the Church of today.  What is it going to take for us to understand our apathy and take steps to change it?  He is our SAVIOR who gave His very life for our cause.  There is absolutely no room for apathy.